Spiritual Parenting
Ecclesia Network
December 29, 2017

by Aaron Graham, Lead Pastor at The District Church (Washington, D.C.)

Originally Posted on November 16, 2017.

This last Sunday we had the privilege of hearing from Pastor Don Coleman from East End Fellowship and Pastor Stuart Royall from 180 Degrees Church. We had a conversation about discipleship and what it means
to be a spiritual mother or father to a younger son or daughter in the faith.

Our Scripture was 2 Timothy 2:2  “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”

We were highlighting our value of being a multiplying church that develops leaders and churches in DC and beyond and how this all starts through the process of multiplying disciples.

During my freshman year at the University of Richmond almost twenty years ago I met both Stuart and Don. Don was discipling Stuart as they ministered in a under-resourced community in the East End of Richmond and then Stuart started meeting with me to disciple me weekly.

The Apostle Paul says in I Corinthians 4:15 that you may have many teachers, but you do not have many fathers. Having a spiritual mother or father in your life is a rare gift and something to be cherished.

Spiritual mothering and fathering is a great goal to reach toward in discipleship, yet the reality is that most discipleship relationships occur on the counseling and mentoring level. But we must start somewhere and the reality is that spiritual fathering relationships always start off on the teacher or mentor level. But the key is that they progress toward a deeper level of trust and maturity.

Here is a helpful framework that I’ve used when it comes to thinking about discipleship in a 1:1 context. There is:

  1. Counseling – this is when you meet with someone to work through a specific challenge you are facing in your life.
  2. Mentoring – this is when you meet with someone to learn how you can grow in a specific area of your life.
  3. Spiritual Parenting – this is when a relationship moves beyond just mentoring to a life-long relationship because of trust and spiritual authority the person has been given.

One of the ways you know if you have a spiritual mother or father in your life is when that person delights in your success as a son or daughter more than their own. Spiritual fathers are willing to lay down their life for their sons.

We have many teachers in life that help us learn. We have many counselors who give us advice. We have many mentors who helps us grow to reach our goals in life. But there are few spiritual mothers and fathers.

My prayer for our churches is that God would raise up men and women of God right here to help mother and father the next generation of disciples.

The huge prayer response from Sunday gave me the sense that there is a real hunger for this.

To God by the glory!

By Bob Hyatt September 15, 2025
A New Ecclesia Network Benefit! 
By By Jim Pace September 15, 2025
In the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s shooting, social media has been filled with perspectives, as is typically the case. I am reluctant to add mine as there seems to be no lack one way or the other. To be clear, this is not just about Charlie Kirk, this is about violence across the board. I did not feel led to write this because it was Charlie Kirk specifically, but rather another in a long and winding line of acts of violence, that my ministering at Va. Tech gives me a bit of personal experience with. But as I have just finished teaching two classes on Christian Ethics, and as I was encountering again the spread of responses from my Christian sisters and brothers, I felt led to look at this event through that lens. Ethics, at its base, seeks to answer the question, “What is better or worse? Good or bad?” As a follower of Jesus, this is what seems right to me… 1. We never celebrate harm. Whatever our disagreements, rejoicing at a shooting violates the bedrock claim that every person bears the imago Dei (Gen 1:27). Scripture is explicit: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls” (Prov 24:17); “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44); “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Rom 12:21). I don’t love blasting verses like this, but you cannot get away from them if you are reading the scriptures. 2. Moral responsibility sits with the shooter—full stop . Saying “his rhetoric got him shot” smuggles in a just-world logic that excuses violence. As a contextual theologian, I have an enormous amount of respect for the impact our various narratives have in shaping our understandings of the world around us. They are inescapable. But that is not what I am talking about here. Ideas can be wrong, harmful, or worth opposing vigorously, but vigilante ‘payback’ is never a Christian category. My primary gig is that of a consultant for churches and non-profits. Today, in my meetings and among friends, I have heard some variation of “He got what he deserved,” and “I vote for some very public justice for the shooter.” Both of these views speak of revenge; the follower of Jesus is called to lay these down as our Messiah did. Not asked to, told to. 3. Grief and outrage about gun violence are legitimate; schadenfreude is not . Channel the pain toward nonviolent, concrete action (policy advocacy, community intervention, survivor support), not dehumanization. Here are four thinkers who have had a profound impact on the Christian ethic I try to work out in this world. As I share them, three things are worthy of mention. One, I certainly do not claim to follow their guidance perfectly, and at times I do not even do it well, but they have all given me what seems like a Jesus-centered and faith-filled direction to move in. Second, I do not claim to speak for them in this particular matter; I am merely showing how my ethical lens has been formed. Third, clearly I am not dealing with all the components of our response to these types of violence, this is not a comprehensive treatment, merely the reflections in the moment. Stanley Hauerwas : “Christian nonviolence is not a strategy to rid the world of violence.” It’s part of following Jesus, not a tactic we drop when it’s inconvenient. Stanley Hauerwas, Walking with God in a Fragile World, by James Langford, editor, Leroy S. Rouner, editor N. T. Wright : “The call of the gospel is for the church to implement the victory of God in the world through suffering love.” Simply Good News: Why the Gospel Is News and What Makes It Good. In other words, we answer evil without mirroring it. David Fitch : Our culture runs on an “enemy-making” dynamic; even “the political rally… depends on the making of an enemy. Don’t let that train your soul.” The Church of Us vs. Them. Sarah Coakley : Contemplation forms resistance, not passivity. For Coakley, sustained prayer trains perception and courage so Christians can resist abuse and give voice against violence (it’s not quietism). “Contemplation, if it is working aright, is precisely that which gives courage to resist abuse, to give voice against violence.” Sarah Coakley, God, Sexuality, and the Self. Coakley would say that far too often we react before we reflect. This is the problem that Fitch is getting at in much of his writing, that our culture actually runs on antagonisms, the conflict between us. We need to find a better way.