One Simple Key to Sane Church Planting: Let Go of Your Ideals
Bob Hyatt
Jan 26, 2017

One of the first things I talk to couples about as we sit down for pre-marital counseling is letting go of their ideals. Not necessarily their ideals about what marriage can be, but their ideal versions of each other. Most, but not all of us, approach dating and potential marriage with a list of things we’d like to see in a potential spouse. By the time we arrive at the doorstep of marriage, we usually have come to realize that the person we are marrying doesn’t look much like the list we had in our heads… but we’re excited nonetheless. We have found someone we like, love and want to spend the rest of our lives with and we’re happy to let go of all the things we thought we needed in a potential Mr. or Ms. Right.

But… there’s still some letting go to be done: the idealized version of the person we are marrying. No doubt during dating and engagement we have seen some foibles, some potential character issues. Yet we hold out the hope that this is the perfect person for us, that they stand head and shoulders above all other potential mates- we retain an idealized version of our future spouse in our hearts and minds.

Most marriages that break up do so because of one simple reason: the refusal to admit that we married a human being. When our idealized version of someone meets the actual, flesh and blood human we actually married, the disappointment, if not managed well, can be crushing. Satisfaction in life (and marriage) = expectations divided by reality. I tell people that the sooner they let go of the idealized version of their spouse, the sooner they can begin to appreciate the real flesh and blood human being in front of them.

This same dynamic that has the potential to ruin marriages also impacts our church lives deeply, both on the leadership and congregational side.

For leaders, there’s an often an unspoken feeling that ministry would be great if it weren’t for all the people. We have an ideal version of the church we’d like to pastor in our heads, or even an ideal version of the particular church we are already pastoring. And reality rarely ever meets those expectations. For this reason, too many leaders long to head to the other side of the fence where the grass is perceived to be greener, and fail to recognize the inherent beauty and strengths in their own current churches. For the record, a perpetually dissatisfied leader is a poor leader. Someone who cannot appreciate the individual people and the community God has given him or her will never be able to help those people grow beyond the very things that cause the dissatisfaction and frustration in the first place.

Letting go of the idealized version of our church means thanking God for the reality right in front of us, the strengths we see if we will just look and even the deficits we are tempted to overly focus on. After all, those deficits, be they an inward focus and lack of vision for mission, or a tendency to fight with each other, or a lack of generosity to the church and others are the very reason we are there. An algebra teacher doesn’t doesn’t complain when she finds her students don’t already know algebra, does she? Of course not- it’s her job to teach them. But a pastor lamenting the spiritual immaturity of his or her congregation is no different.

In the same way, we need to help our people to let go of their idealized versions of community and church as well. Firstly, because of the damage they will do to themselves with those idealized versions. Too many Christians are still looking for the “right church” while failing to realize they’ve been a part of plenty of them, but were unable to realize it because they could not see the beautiful reality right in front of them due to their focus on the ideal version against which they judged everything and everyone. And so on they go, first from one church to another, while their dissatisfaction grows. Failing to put to death our idealized versions of community almost inevitably ends up with us being community-less, because no church ever measures up. I’ve seen it happen more than once.

Secondly, the damage done to others by those who hold idealized versions of community in their heads is serious. Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in Life Together

“He who loves his dream of a community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. God hates visionary dreaming; it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. The man who fashions a visionary ideal of community demands that it be realized by God, by others, and by himself. He enters the community of Christians with his demands, sets up his own law, and judges the brethren and God Himself accordingly. He stands adamant, a living reproach to all others in the circle of brethren.”

This too I have seen more than once- the one who has created an ideal version of Christian community in his head, who becomes increasingly frustrated with the reality and begins to act out of that frustration, accusing others of being less serious, less spiritual than he. What begins with a patronizing attitude, descends into outright contempt for those who fail to meet the visionary’s standards and ends with condemnation of the whole community. Much hurt is caused by folks as they walk down this path, not encouraging others with the lessons they believe they have learned but condemning them for not having already learned them.

The quicker we can help people realize that while our goal is to grow and mature as a community, and while we don’t want to ignore our obvious growth areas, we’ll never reach the kind of full maturity and perfection they long for, they better off we and they will be.

Examine your own heart as a leader- are you discouraged? Why? Do you wish God had called you to a different place or different people? Do you compare what you know of your own church community with what you think you know of others’? Stop it before you do damage to yourself and your church. Learn to appreciate the people and the community God has placed you in, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant it is. God loves those people and that church- how can you do any less?

Then, help your people to understand that the journey to growth and maturity is a long one, and that the answer when we see problems in our community is not to find a new one, with a whole new set of problems, but rather to stay, root ourselves and work and pray for the benefit and growth of this beautiful mess of a community we find ourselves in.

  • Bob Hyatt, Director of Equipping and Spiritual Formation  bobblog

How It Is Now Is Not How It Will Always Be

By Bob Hyatt • 20 Mar, 2024
One of the main tricks in life, I believe, is not to extrapolate current conditions and circumstances off into the future. However, that’s exactly the tendency we have as humans, and especially, I’ve discovered, as ministry leaders. We look at things now and think they will always be that way. We long to see landmarks in the road, mileposts that tell us either we have now reached the pinnacle, the place we always dreamed of being (even if that place is only “stability”), or conversely, the bottom has fallen out and now is the time to bail out. But the mileposts are merely markers on the journey, telling us where we are now, promising nothing of the journey ahead. And so, when things are good, we see nothing but success and good times stretching out in front of us. In the depths of despair, during the most challenging times of life and ministry we feel as though the darkness has become the new normal. The reality is much more complex: there are always better times ahead, and worse ones as well. During those dark times, when ministry becomes more of a weight than a joy, I tell myself, “whatever is happening now will not keep happening forever.” Those words have kept me through relational breaks in our staff that seemed unfixable, through budget woes when we didn’t think we were going to meet payroll, even a time when our community lost a third of its members because we had let a beloved pastor go. In this way I have found hope. In the same way, during the successful times when we were growing, budget was bigger than ever, and when new people were engaging with the church seemingly every week I continued to tell myself, “what is happening now will not keep happening forever.” In this way I have found a measure of humility. There’s another way to read this mantra as well, one that encourages us not to miss what is happening right now as we overly focus on where we’d like to be or what we’d like to see happen. The challenge of ministry, like the challenge of life in general, is to be present to what’s happening now . Too many single people miss the joys of singleness longing to be married. Too many young married couples miss the joys of the early years without children because they long to be parents. Too many parents of young children miss the joys of the infant years, longing for the days when their children are more independent, less dependent on them for everything. And on it goes. In the same way we in ministry can miss the joys of a small, close community by looking at larger communities and wishing we had their resources and influence. We can miss the inherent learning and even joy of being shoulder to shoulder in community with others through challenging times because the difficulties and pain we are experiencing mask the ways in which we are being brought together, the ways in which we are being formed and the invaluable things we are learning. In life, and in ministry, remember: How it is now is not how it will always be. Learn to appreciate how things are now, but also take comfort in the fact that if things are difficult, there are better days ahead. Stay humble because no success is forever. Stay hopeful because, in Christ, no failure is permanent.

Exciting Announcement- Ecclesia is Joining Ascent!

By Chris Backert • 19 Feb, 2024
I’m writing to share some exciting and important news with you that we believe will be significant for Ecclesia in the days ahead! For the last few years, I have been engaged with other church and network leaders across the US and Canada about forming a new “connection” for the church in North America. The heart of the effort is around unifying, amplifying, and multiplying the kind of Christian witness that Ecclesia represents, for the sake of the gospel, over the next few decades. This new effort is called The Ascent Movement, and within the last 12 months, its momentum has picked up increasing speed. A few months ago, I was asked by the council of Ascent if I would help spearhead the development of the network in its next phase. I agreed to accept that task. One of the core goals of Ascent is to connect, coordinate, and collaborate with groups like Ecclesia so that we can do more together than we could in isolation. In many ways, it will function as a “network of networks” like Ecclesia functions as a “network of churches”. In addition to ministries like Ecclesia, there are also seminaries, mission agencies, and other ministry support organizations that are joining Ascent in these early days. For the last several months the Ecclesia board has been discerning whether or not Ecclesia would officially enter into a partnership affiliation with Ascent. We unanimously affirmed that decision at our recent board meeting. Since Ascent is in its early phases of formation, more information on the benefits and opportunities of this new partnership will be ongoing. However, we are happy to share some of the aspects of this new affiliation that we find compelling and will not only bless Ecclesia, but also all of the churches within Ecclesia. First, given the size of Ecclesia, there have always been areas of ministry that we believe are important, but toward which we have not had the scale to accomplish or contribute. Among these are concrete efforts around - increasing the witness of the Hispanic church in North America - supporting mission expansion to less-resourced parts of North America - increasing opportunities for disaster relief and response - and mobilizing prayer networks. Further, there are also specific and tangible benefits that are made possible through this partnership for any Ecclesia Churches. Some of these include things like - discounted tuition costs to Truett Seminary for any Ecclesia leader or member serving an Ecclesia Church. - discounted rate in utilizing the services of Chemistry Staffing for future hiring - access to a church-based missionary sending ministry for those Ecclesia Churches engaged globally, and more! Lastly, there is a specific aspect to this partnership affiliation that is particularly helpful to Ecclesia. Ascent has agreed to partner with Ecclesia over the next year to expand our church planting and multiplication reach in a way that benefits both Ecclesia and Ascent. Practically, this looks like Ascent investing a little over $1,000/month into Ecclesia over this next year and together working toward a set of mutually beneficial goals. As I think about this opportunity within the current moment of our network, it seems right for multiple reasons beyond the purely practical. At our Ecclesia board meeting in late 2022, we established a path for individual affiliation within Ecclesia to make concrete space for leaders who are outside ministry contexts that allow for our core congregational affiliation. The heart of this decision was a desire to increase the kinds of relationships that Ecclesia has within our scope of ministry. The decision to affiliate with Ascent is similar. Also, as I shared at our Ecclesia Gathering in January, this decision fits within the Core DNA of Ecclesia. When I look back at the founding of our network, three aspects were central then and have carried forward. First, our desire to extend the gospel to increasingly post-Christian, or more challenging, settings and groups of people. Second, a desire to exemplify a Christian witness aligned with the theological and missiological direction of affirmations like the Capetown Commitment. Third, our desire to provide a relationally rich journey of friendship for the churches and leaders who are part of our family. When I consider the affiliation with Ascent, we share in common those first two Core DNA. As for the 3rd foundational aspect of our network, I believe the time has come where Ecclesia itself needs “friends for the journey” in the same way that Ecclesia has provided a context of friendship for those within our community. On the other side of COVID, it’s clear that ministry in the days ahead is more exciting, while also more challenging and complex. We believe we need a greater community to be the most faithful to the gospel that we can. You can go to www.ascentmovement.org to get a quick glimpse of its vision. The current website is a placeholder for a more thorough site coming later this Spring. Ecclesia, of course, will have a seat at the table in its formation. We have also provided a one-page overview of Ascent on the attached document. We will keep you updated on this exciting development. Please feel free to reach out with any questions. - Chris
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